A White Island Tours worker who stayed home sick on the day of the eruption is still grappling with survivor's guilt and trauma one year on.
People gathered for a dawn service to mark one year since the eruption on Whakaari. Photo: RNZ/Te Aniwa Hurihanganui
The worker's aunty spoke to RNZ on behalf of her whānau, and asked that the worker not be named.
She remembers the moment news started pouring in that Whakaari had erupted.
Her shock and disbelief quickly turned into panic as she tried to get a hold of her young niece, who worked at the White Island Tours' cafe and would sometimes jump onboard the boat that carried visitors to and from the island.
"I was just messaging her saying, niece, niece, and she wasn't answering," she said.
"I just really wanted to find out where she was, and if she was on the boat that day."
Hours passed by before a message finally came through.
Her niece was okay - she had taken the day off work.
"She hadn't gone into work and my sister, her mum, was just saying that she still has a lot of survivor's guilt about not being there," she said.
"Her thoughts are still could that have impacted how it went if she had gone to work, and that she should have been there for her friends."
The worker has since moved overseas to be with her mother, but the emotional toll is still raw.
Some of her close friends, including tour guide Tipene Maangi, lost their lives that day.
She said the entire whānau continued to wrap around her.
"I suppose as whānau you just want to protect them and you don't want them to feel that pain," she said.
"I just said to my sister, there's not much you can do about it, you just have to allow them time to process it, and living somewhere else helps do that."
Tipene Maangi was 24 years old when he died on Whakaari.
He had been working as a tour guide for just two months.
His colleague Hayden Marshall-Inman also died in the eruption.
At a press conference yesterday, Ngāti Awa spokesperson Joe Harawira said White Island Tour staff at the cafe and adjoining motel were still grieving their deaths.
"You will all understand to lose a work friend is tragic in such circumstances."
He said the iwi was continuing to support them the only way they knew how - with manaakitanga.
"Ngāti Awa and the health boards have been there in support for their wairua and their mauri."
He said the first anniversary today would be a chance for the community to remember all the victims and reflect on the tragedy - a tragedy which he said would be embedded in their hearts forever.
