It's beautiful that we're redefining what it means to be a man, but the change process is leaving many young men vulnerable to harmful influence, says Sydney-based psychiatrist Dr Kieran Kennedy.
"It is confusing and often quite confronting for a lot of men today to feel like masculinity is shifting somewhat. I think leaning into some of these more toxic aspects of [traditional masculinity] is attractive [to men] because it's a clear blueprint on how to act," he tells Jesse Mulligan.
Sydney-based psychiatrist and mental health advocate Dr Kieran Kennedy. Photo: Supplied
With health journalist Scott Henderson, Dr Kieran Kennedy has written the new book The Manual: A Practical Guide to Life, Health and Happiness.
While Kennedy is concerned about the health impacts of vaping – "it's really harmful for the lungs and the body" and binge drinking – "often a way to cover up some deeper pain", his main focus is on encouraging men to open up about mental health.
"There's a lot of pressure…on everyone, but in a lot of ways particularly on men, to have to be holding it together, strong, invincible all the time. And often that can lead us to talking to ourselves in a way that we wouldn't be talking to a friend or a family member or someone that we love."
The Manual book cover Photo: supplied
In The Manual, Kieran and Scott write about how low self-esteem and self-worth can be the result of early childhood experiences and messages that have become harsh beliefs we hold about ourselves.
Recognising when your inner voice is being self-critical and trying to shift it a bit towards kindness can help guard against depression and anxiety.
A "powerful shift" can occur when young men can become more gentle towards themselves, Kieran says.
To do this, The Manual recommends talking to yourself in the same way they'd talk to a close friend – with kindness, empathy and encouragement.
If you have a friend who seems to be struggling with their mental health, Kennedy says the most powerful thing you can do is be bold and start a conversation.
"There's been a lot of fear about asking people about their mental health, particularly for men 'cause it's something we've been made to feel we don't do or shouldn't do. It's not about fixing or having the problem solved ready to go, it's about asking and listening."
If you're worried a young man you know is depressed, don't expect to see him emotional and sad. If he's depressed, it's more likely he'll appear irritable, easily frustrated and bent on slowly disengaging from the world, Kennedy says.
"A change in how someone is acting or engaging in their life can be a good thing to note down about whether a man is struggling with something on the inside."
Related:
The toxic world of the manosphere
When influencers are not a good influence
How male friendship can aid wellbeing
Where to get help:
Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737 any time to speak to a trained counsellor, for any reason.
Lifeline: 0800 543 354 or text HELP to 4357
Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 / 0508 TAUTOKO (24/7). This is a service for people who may be thinking about suicide, or those who are concerned about family or friends.
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (24/7) or text 4202
Samaritans: 0800 726 666 (24/7)
Youthline: 0800 376 633 (24/7) or free text 234 (8am-12am), or email talk@youthline.co.nz
What's Up: free counselling for 5 to 19 years old, online chat 11am-10.30pm 7days/week or free phone 0800 WHATSUP / 0800 9428 787 11am-11pm Asian Family Services: 0800 862 342 Monday to Friday 9am to 8pm or text 832 Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm. Languages spoken: Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai, Japanese, Hindi, Gujarati, Marathi and English.
Rural Support Trust Helpline: 0800 787 254
Healthline: 0800 611 116
Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
OUTLine: 0800 688 5463 (6pm-9pm)
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
