Many listeners may already have had time at home with Covid and other winter ills, and some may be having to do isolation with the kids in tow.
Parenting expert Ellie Gwilliam knows all about the challenges that can bring having just gone through it herself with her three daughters.
Gwilliam, who is with the Parenting Place, shares some home isolation survival tips.
Photo: Gustavo Fring, Pexels
First and foremost, parents need to prioritise self-care, Gwilliam tells Kathryn Ryan.
“[It] can sound a bit counter-intuitive when we’ve got kids needing us and especially if the kids are sick … [but] parenting is so demanding and parenting through sickness and Covid and self-isolating is incredibly demanding.
“When we can take good care of ourselves, we are best prepared to take good care of our kids.”
Undoubtedly, there will be moments of tension, frustration, and exhaustion, so finding ways to remain calm can go a long way, she says.
“Calm is contagious but so is stress and anxiety so if we can take a moment as parents and adults to think about our own responses and how they are affecting the atmosphere in our homes that can be really helpful.
Ellie Gwilliam of Parenting Place Photo: Parentingplace.nz
“And sometimes I feel as parents we do have to fake it a little bit; fake the calm in order to have that calming presence for our kids.”
Gwilliam advises it’s best to lower your expectations and try to listen to your children and acknowledge their feelings before offering solutions.
“There’s going to be some big disappointments in these moments. I know that was the case for our family when we saw those positive test results show in the Covid test … because you’re like ‘oh man, that means our next week, our next fortnight, everything is off, everything is cancelled, we’re here at home again’.
“I know as a parent I feel overwhelmed with some of big kids’ big feelings and their disappointments because I realise I can’t fix it, I can’t solve it, I feel like I can’t help.
“But the reality is simply listening and hearing our kids, giving them a place for dialogue to feel heard actually is an incredibly powerful thing to offer them and that practising of acceptance without fixing all the problems is actually really healthy.
“We’re modelling for our kids that resilience is sometimes about accepting things we can’t change and actually just being okay to sit with a few tough feelings like disappointment for a while, and it leads to all sorts of powerful things like empathy, having more patience for the moment, and connection – connection really is a powerful antidote for those disappointment feelings.”
Schoolwork is likely to go on the back burner, Gwilliam says, but we should still try to maintain some structure to the day, perhaps around mealtimes and bedtime, because children thrive when they have a sense of predictability.
“I know from my kids, one daughter just straight in the garage to do her dance practice in there because for her that’s really important, having that rhythm of practice for the activity she so passionately loves, and when she couldn’t go to class, she made a way to still have that as part of her day and I could see that really helped her mentally and emotionally.
“I was talking to our older ones who are at high school about the fact that if they didn’t keep up [with school work] … they were going to be faced with perhaps a big catch up later on, which you want to help your kids prepare for that and not be faced with a massive workload.”
While lockdowns contained a sense of solidarity, self-isolation can be pretty lonely so it’s crucial to help kids maintain their wider relationships, Gwilliam says.
“[Older children] will likely take care of that on their own but interestingly for our younger kids, helping them stay connected, they might need some support there to reach out to a friend or maybe send a text message to their teacher or help them write an email, or FaceTime grandparents, all those kinds of things can help our younger kids as well.”
If the situation reaches a breaking point, Gwilliam suggests taking a moment to breath and be self-aware of how you feel.
“There’s simple things [you can do] like stepping outside, going to the letterbox, emptying the compost, those little deliberate things that get us out of a tense situation with our kids get us some fresh air, get us a moment to cool down and help us to take on our kids’ perspective.
“This is really key I think; this notion of reflective parenting, actually asking ourselves what is going on for our kids right now, their feelings, experiences, and thoughts are different from ours.
“So stepping into their shoes and thinking ‘well what could be going on for them?’ helps us to choose a response that meets our kids' needs rather than a reactionary response.”
